i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
