is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
