I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
