I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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