my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
