So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
