New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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