his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
this beer tastes like vomit already
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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