I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
wow bdsm is so cute
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
