I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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