I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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