You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
