I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
