He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
