dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
