whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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