I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
