She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize