The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
