there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
