You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
