Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
