And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
