Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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