he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize