Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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