I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
