Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
