i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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