I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
