Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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