honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Randomize
