He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
