Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Farmville is her only friend.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
