listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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