your room smells of hookers.
And success
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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