he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
