All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize