I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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