i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
