Non-Jews are for practice
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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