my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
