I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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