Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My vagina is officially offended.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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