Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
