I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
