I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
