I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
