don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I want a musical about memes.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
