i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
