And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
