You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
