I feel like abortions should bother me more
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
