She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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