No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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