Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
