You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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