I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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