i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize