I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
