I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
