did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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