Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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