Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize