maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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