and i looked up. we had an audience...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize