Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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