i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
