Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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