party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
