New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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