So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
