so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize