did you get engaged???
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
