I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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