How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
