I wish I could teleport
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
