party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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