I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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