you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
